I wrote this note a while ago, to myself so I could remember it, but I think I need to share it.
So I am.
I thought it was appropriate since it’s Easter.
In church I was really struggling because of the loss we had just gone through. I felt sad that I was separated from our baby. A couple times everyday I feel overwhelmed by this sadness and I had a feeling it would hit me as we were worshipping. Singing “Your praise will ever be on my lips”, and I was honestly meaning it, but after I was filled with sorrow because I had to go through a hard trial to get to the place to be “ok with it”. I wasn’t ok with it. I didn’t want to have to go through it. All I wanted was to go run to my friend who was in that same sanctuary that has also had a miscarriage and mourn over the loss of our babies together. I felt like she was the only one who knew what I was going through.
Then God quietly spoke to me. “Why do you think I don’t know what you’ve gone through? I am right here. I know exactly what you are going through. I watched my son die. I had to give up my Son, but I freely gave up my Son so that others would be saved. This is now also your journey. You have to give up your child to help save others. This baby’s life also had a reason, and this is it.”
I couldn’t believe how blinded I had let myself become to the idea to choose physical comfort over spiritual comfort. We live in a society where we look for something to help us that we can see, not someone who knows every situation before we have ever dealt with it. I instantly stopped crying. I felt a peace and strength filled me. I’m still incredibly sad to be separated from the life I’d never know here on earth, but incredibly proud that our baby is with Jesus, and it’s small life will not be vain.
If anyone is dealing with grief, today is the day to recognize that you are not alone in your grief, and that God knows exactly what you’re dealing with and can bring something wonderful out of the pain and loss.
“But it was the LORD’s good plan to crush him and cause him grief. Yet when his life is made an offering for sin, he will have many descendants. He will enjoy a long life, and the LORD’s good plan will prosper in his hands. When he sees all that is accomplished by his anguish, he will be satisfied. And because of his experience, my righteous servant will make it possible for many to be counted righteous, for he will bear all their sins. I will give him the honors of a victorious soldier, because he exposed himself to death. He was counted among the rebels. He bore the sins of many and interceded for rebels.” Isaiah 53:10-12
“Give your burdens to the Lord, and he will take are of you.” Psalms 55:22
“He heals the broken hearted and bandages their wounds” Psalms 147:3
“He was pierced for our rebellion, crushed for our sins. He was beaten so we could be whole. He was whipped so we could be healed.”Isaiah 53:5
“Oh death, where is your victory? Oh death, where is your sting?” 1 Corinthians 15:55
Death where is your sting? Our resurrected King has rendered you defeated!